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Author Topic: Clean Joke Thread  (Read 4922 times)
auroradan
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« on: May 26, 2010, 01:55:27 PM »

Lets have some non-whaleboat related fun. This is not my original idea but one from a fishing forum I belong to. Like the title says, lets keep it CLEAN !

I think these are fair game here to poke fun at:
 Short Jokes
 Funny Jokes
 Animal Jokes
 Blonde Jokes
 Christmas Jokes
 Computer Jokes
 Halloween Jokes
 Funny Quotes
 Kids Jokes
 Knock Knock Jokes
 Lawyer Jokes
 Love Jokes
 Men Jokes
 Political Jokes
 Practical Jokes
 Redneck Jokes
 Thanksgiving Jokes
 Women Jokes
 Yo Mama Jokes


With that out of the way, I'll start:

You're Redneck If 

Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.

You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.

You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.

You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won't ask for them again.

You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart.
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"

MARK TWAIN
captainron
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« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2010, 07:22:16 AM »

These are actual comments made on students report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It is impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
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DrBanzai
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« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2014, 01:22:23 PM »

Q) Why do sharks swim in salt water?
A) Because pepper makes them sneeze
-Bob
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